How It All Started

Lots of people don’t understand how smart women get into relationships with dozens of red flags. Relationships that often turn abusive.

One of my super smart students from years ago—not only academically, but also emotionally—fell into one six years ago, and only recently has escaped, only to find herself in a nasty divorce and custody battle.

She agreed to share her story, which I’ll be posting in serial form. To offer her privacy, names have been changed. Come along with me as we give her--we'll call her Andrea--a voice.

Breaking the silence on these relationships helps survivors heal.

Thanks, Andrea, for agreeing to share in order to help others. 

How it begins

In November 2009, I was a single mom of two children ages seven and almost three.

Things were tough. I was working two part-time jobs and living paycheck-to-paycheck. Plus, I was in school for a bachelor’s degree. It was hard to find a stable babysitter I could afford. I never had enough money to get the fuel tank filled—the house was always chilly in the winter. There was a huge hole in the living room ceiling that I couldn’t afford to get repaired.

My health has never been all that great. Although I’m a positive person and have tons of energy, I suffer chronic fatigue and other nasty symptoms the rare Chiari’s Malformation, which affects the brain, compounded by Cushing’s Disease, which affects the adrenals. I’d just had surgery.

I’m not one of those people who feel comfortable alone. I’m much happier in a relationship—something I’m working on now, but this was more than five years ago. I was lonely. I was seeing a nice guy, but the spark just wasn’t there.

When you’re broke and lonely, ladies, you’re ripe for falling for the wrong guy. Especially if he’s handsome and charming, and talks a good game.

That’s when I met Christopher.